Until then

Until then, I will roll myself up 

into this blanket of words and phrases, 

I will make friends with thoughts and dreams.

Until then I will say to the stars 

that they were unborn once, and that I 

was born from them, once 

One day, the stars too will be gone, 

Some have, it seems, already died 

but shine anyway as though

They were ghosts of my words and dreams 

Refusing to believe 

in a death that spells silence.

Until then, there will be words,

 more of these letters and spaces strung together 

Forcing meaning into sounds and wounds 

And all of those in between could have beens.

One day, I too, will have no words

Until then though,

It’s not lips but those silent warmth of the stars

Not words but whispers of my name 

Not your arms, but your skin that melts into mine

Your breath, at once mine and  

not once evermore 

Until then, I shall imagine 

Glorious dreams to take to another star

How dare

You are right. And you are all right.

 All of this is true. 

It was also true that it needed to die 

because it was a lie

I have no right

 to stand here and question my fate

What stars and what lines can I sort out

When each and every word spoken by me

Is silent and cold

You are right, you are all very right 

I ask and ask, beg and borrow 

but what life demands of me, I never knew

Like someone who cares only for the skin

I ran after glory this sin called love

It was him and it was you 

Who hurt me more? 

Who did I kill more?

No one hears words that is why 

the sky is empty when it’s not blue

All of the darkness that covers my womb, 

seeks out in silence,

the source of that light 

which blew out the day I was born. 

And then I died twice in my unborn’s arms 

but still here I dare to ask, 

and beg and seek for love

Me, who could murder for lust

How dare I ask for more

Why the rush?

Remember one day skins were shed  

You met me naked on a bed of passing time?

But things are what they are, 

time seemed to meander endlessly when we were young 

and now it runs as if it were a young maiden

chased by an oldie

One day it will stop and lie down beside the flames that will consume us

I only wish I get more of her in those little nooks and books that mattered once

But as you and I know, once lost, 

she bounces all the way to the great blue nothingness. Perhaps her lover lives beyond those stars. 

Maybe that’s why she is in a rush? 

Love

Love is a word, an image, 

sweetness and solitude, 

sticky sweet cotton candy 

that never quite begins until it ends 

Lingers on the tongue 

writes slow shivers across

memories whose nerves 

have never quite unwound. 

But maybe it is that broken glass, 

stuck in my feet 

while mopping your floor 

A light hearted remark

implying that faith forever 

gone, was once full. 

 

Other days, I drink to life

But on days like this, 

I drink to love and say

Love is a fidgeting child

who on leisurely afternoons, 

elopes with you beyond the hills 

Other days he sulks in a corner 

And I sit with him 

I caress his stories

And say love is time 

Lost, found and simply known

Fairy tales

Allow me to write it all up, 

farmyard tales of 

not-for-any-reason-blues

Once princes were made 

of men in horses who 

wrung a parrots’ neck to meet

 their women

Shiny, glitzy tales, sturdy folksy tales 

Swords and wits and battles to be won, 

stars to be strung on a nights lustful yarn

The books wind themselves up 

after being read, make themselves 

a cup of tea and wait

For another human to reach another world, 

a different coloured country, 

a darker hued woman.

Allow me to turn this page again 

and see if the yellowed letters 

stole some stardust 

from a long ago night 

on that very bridge

Seagulls

All of us seagulls lined up 

next to each other, our togetherness 

measured in meters 

A few million years ago 

when moonlit nights were unwitnessed

All men and all women 

unborn were seeking 

that one song, that one line, that one glance 

Too far away from ones soul,

 too close to where one belongs

And then these eyes were made

So they search for another or

for that perfect answer to empty spaces 

and baby universes 

creeping out of wormholes all around

 like seagulls 

No one came with a coffee cup 

and a book to curl up with to say, 

If you want my life, come and take it 

And no one saw those seagulls scatter

A whole new life

Life is turned upside down by love only because the ending feels like a whole new life. 

Sometimes upside down and at others, in that haloed light of oh-I-can-do-what-I-couldn’t- when-we-were-together, sepia tinted and hollowed of the right to feel the heart go cold once more, just once more with the fear of being alive, without being together.

And in the future where sunshine doesn’t fit into our closed palms lying on each other, lies no darkness more than what is required to find some torches, candles, motorway lights, whatever it is that keeps starlight from hinting at lonesomeness. 

But the past was death, lived all over again and again. Repetitive words, phrases, not even an iota of truth left in feelings hurled as accusations at each other’s already torn souls. 

Oh what would it take to heal the nostalgia of a love that existed only in each of our lonely hearts?

Oh how I wish that those unborn daughters of shared love walked down the roads of Paris each day looking for romance in the old and the worn and the idea of a city, a time and of love. 

But could anyone be loved the way they wished to be?

Bodies tumble but souls remain untouched or even the other way around. 

Does something in between body and soul stop one from going into the other?

We broke down that wall once, maybe more than once when your eyes held mine at the end of the universe 

Or maybe that was the beginning after all.