Waiting for Godot

One day blends into another night 

I still wait for the moon to smile

A sign, a hint, a crinkled corner 

at the corner of your eye,

At the same bend of the road

Where we said hello to Jupiter

Only your arms were around me

And I didn’t exist 

Each day I read on the net 

Hoping for an instant painkiller

How to make him yours again

How to love yourself more

Ten ways to heal a broken heart

Regret brings back nothing

And I write down my goals

As if putting things down on paper 

Was all I ever needed to do to

Be able to breathe again

But the paper fills with meaningless 

Goals. A holiday, a book to be written

Learn to make an obscure sweet from

Childhood’s candied memories

A new hair style, more lunch dates 

An app where you can state your

Choices in left and right swipes

At virtual, possibly real, people 

Having done that, I return 

To the window ledge 

Where you held me in your arms

And I didnt exist 

If all I want is to disappear in your arms

What will these pages and pages 

Of existing without you do

And so I wait. Again and again

And yet again

For that one moonlit night

An affair

Right is never wrong and so it goes

But once it’s said so, 

the right to say “I love you”

Is altogether and entirely wronged 

At a time and place when all wrongs 

felt out of place; You and I,

threw fistfuls of gilted memories at

Bottomless wells of why nots

Today I tried to swim there 

But my limbs forgot to move

My left leg tripped on yours

Only, nothing seemed right 

Alone I travelled to the stars

Which we once named with 

Joined finger trails, up there, above

The ladder that stayed but, the sky was wrong  

You and I, it seems have no right

No sky, no well, no land on earth where

Left and right feel altogether 

and entirely, wrong. And yet 

Wrong is never right 

and so it goes

once it’s said so. 

Kintsugi

Words tore us apart just as they 

had brought us together. No eyes 

No skin, no lips, no sensual breath

sucking in all of our scattered lives

Into a white hole of hands held on 

dark, unending starlit nights

Could restrain those floods of 

Clamorous, cruel, crushing words

My words, your words, our needless words

And now with those broken, scattered 

Words, I plead and I pray to gods

Of the past, present and of pain

To never make me whole again

Without a golden seam of this 

Beautiful mess running through,

Each drop of blood in my veins

My very spine, 

Eyes, skin, lips and sensual breath

Who knows, maybe with each curve

Filled with crumbling words;

All my straight lines will atlast 

Tumble and fall through these 

Remaining cracks in my soul

And what would remain then,

Is a darkened seamline. No words 

will ever regret, having ever been

Broken. And I will be whole again

  

Beetles

Old thoughts, like resin embedded beetles 

lie around in double blue ticked boxes

Some white, some green, all certainly dead

Throbbing with possibilities of a time

When white fury lashed out on two sides

Of an unspoken, wordy fight

Or of lust shaped emojis of tender joy

Some asked for attention

A few showered praises

It was clear that the beetles led

Different lives, at different times 

But here they lie staring into time 

All of a same colour of a past undone 

Fani

I saw him hurrying past me 

Devouring the sky and it’s land

In a darkness born

To that fecund womb

Of beginnings and endings 

They said he was fate

But I knew; that 

No one asked him if 

His mouth bled from 

Ossenous remains

Of his fated meals

And I knew

That he hid from 

Swirling singing 

clouds, from death

And mostly from wind

I saw him crash into 

safe roofs, sound walls

Violent floors of what were

Once homes; drunk on

Desperate dirges 

Far away from his home

In that yonder oceans 

Depths; He died alone 

somewhere inland 

Smaller than he ever was 

They said by that time,

Not a leaf trembled

At his touch 

Straight from my lips

My love is selfish

My love hates you too

On days like this it takes the

form of a nebulous cloud 

And thunders on about eternity 

While sprinkling throughout 

long evenings of loss, a sense

of having been home, once.

My love is pretty, ugly, angry

Sweet notes of seperation 

mingle with your sweat all of a sudden; 

and then torrents of 

unconsummated lifetimes flow

Your blood in my cells, 

your breath in my silent womb 

My love is a strain 

of vermillion on your hand

Straight from my lips 

and who knows from 

what pushes and pulls

That the forlorn moon has

cast upon those timely tides.

Languid, lustrous, gorgeous moon,

Forever a mirror to another’s 

scarred light

Searching star-strewn streets, 

For a tiny black hole that will hold

All of it’s lies, tears and its entire mouth 

Baby Universe

Perfect clouds mingle and shoot into space 

With a precision that time never granted 

Our tiny, unlived past, not aware

Of a parallel world in which clouds

Are but white puffs of happiness

With each day, we shed the dead life

Of an yesterday and yet something 

Lived on from two childhoods

Moments of loneliness molding

Whole lifetimes, it seems bereft 

Of the resurrection of death 

And yet, here and now when I died 

In your arms again, my birth 

Is enshrined in that sacred space 

Where time wraps around itself and 

Around every regret, each loss and 

Spirals into a wormhole 

of an altogether 

new baby universe

my friend, farewell.

Second kiss

Round and round 

On this merry-go-round 

Spinning yarns we go on and on 

Pleasure and pain into pleats 

of my saree; But when we get 

to unveil this fabric of guilt

You take a step back and so do I 

We can run away from each other 

like these galaxies 

They say one day they all will crash 

into one

Until I collapse in your exhausted arms

And ask if ever we had a beginning 

If ever, a second time we kissed.

Until then

Until then, I will roll myself up 

into this blanket of words and phrases, 

I will make friends with thoughts and dreams.

Until then I will say to the stars 

that they were unborn once, and that I 

was born from them, once 

One day, the stars too will be gone, 

Some have, it seems, already died 

but shine anyway as though

They were ghosts of my words and dreams 

Refusing to believe 

in a death that spells silence.

Until then, there will be words,

 more of these letters and spaces strung together 

Forcing meaning into sounds and wounds 

And all of those in between could have beens.

One day, I too, will have no words

Until then though,

It’s not lips but those silent warmth of the stars

Not words but whispers of my name 

Not your arms, but your skin that melts into mine

Your breath, at once mine and  

not once evermore 

Until then, I shall imagine 

Glorious dreams to take to another star

How dare

You are right. And you are all right.

 All of this is true. 

It was also true that it needed to die 

because it was a lie

I have no right

 to stand here and question my fate

What stars and what lines can I sort out

When each and every word spoken by me

Is silent and cold

You are right, you are all very right 

I ask and ask, beg and borrow 

but what life demands of me, I never knew

Like someone who cares only for the skin

I ran after glory this sin called love

It was him and it was you 

Who hurt me more? 

Who did I kill more?

No one hears words that is why 

the sky is empty when it’s not blue

All of the darkness that covers my womb, 

seeks out in silence,

the source of that light 

which blew out the day I was born. 

And then I died twice in my unborn’s arms 

but still here I dare to ask, 

and beg and seek for love

Me, who could murder for lust

How dare I ask for more