That Image

That image of you walking with your head bent

As if in defiance of something I might have said.

A whisper of a smile hiding pleasure and pain;

That gait at once slow and majestic,

humble and proud.

A whiff of musk, that black bag

The evening's azure in your eyes and on you too.

Crossing the road, waving
Somehow not meeting the eye.
In this one image is blended
Passion, kinship, that shiver in the spine,
Life’s way of taking things apart
Long before they come together.

Call me by my name again

To make you call me by my name again, what would it take?


Night after night of restless joy
Day after day of utter despair
Feigned apathy and nervous wait

A thousand questions unanswered
A single word that says it all
Those jumps and starts;
Narrations of someone else's past


Untouched food, my glass that you took
Those spasms of fear;
bouts of brazen desire
One rainy afternoon and a drenched night

To make you call me by my name again, what would it take?

To hell with the world

All right so things that start will end,
To hell with the world and you my friend!

Yes this trampled heart has no say at all:
People it falls for, words that shatter,
Silences that numb the very desire to live,
Sweet hope of a secret meet,

Each one of them
will chance upon its end
in the hands of fate;
Or in those of time.

But why tell me things that are true indeed?
To hell with the world and you my friend!

Just that and nothing more

Then perhaps it was meant to be
just that and nothing more.

Trailing behind those shadows of time,
Hoping to quell the unnamed ache,
Memories of kisses that could have been.

This gloom of the many dawns
that will never be born;
Those fingers that I never held;
Forbidden nectar, rushed whispers;
Ghosts of a desire
never appeased.

Each note of that song
wrenching a brutal rage
in every dream, every night;
Liquid pools of your eyes
casting ancient spells
of a past that never was.

Perhaps it was meant to be
Just that and nothing more.

Forever

What of those vows, you ask.
That promise to be forever
Together, faithful, loyal
in love, forever?

If those vows haunt you
Don’t they murder my nights and days too?
But together is a lonely state to be in
If it is forever.

Passions rise and are quelled
Feelings die and are born
People meet and they part
Each of us dies a million deaths
In a single lifetime

But what of those vows, you ask
To live and die together?
In which of these million deaths,
Have I found a life without you?

In each memory of my death,
I see your image
In every life that I was born into,
I have known your anguish

Love was reborn each time
Sometimes mine, sometimes yours
Today doesn’t it smolder still
In a cautious nook of your heart and in mine?

And yet together is a lonely state to be in
If it is forever.

A million clicks and emptiness

Without you
There is no respite
With you there is no peace

A soft ping and the heart sprints
Someone launched a new lipstick
Frenzied mood merely sinks
A million clicks and emptiness
Wars, abortions, songs and crashing markets,
Pictures,
People only three point seven four degrees from me

Another beep
Someone’s baby blues
School fees and t-shirt sizes
Logos, captions, dinners

Where within all this is hidden
The beep that set the heart ablaze?
How many degrees of seperation
is this space between you and me?

Without you there is no respite
Only a million clicks and emptiness

What does it tell?

This urge to tell you about love
What does it tell you about love?

Silences, glimpses and a shared smile;
Alone in a crowd yet never alone;
This obsession to see and the desire to know;
A wild amalgam of your words and smell.
Running away from self,
Trembling at your doorstep
Turning away before you unlock the door
What does it tell you about love?

The premise to judge, my claims on you
Fragrant spite and muted tribute
Fingers locked and eyes straying
Blurred days and nights,
Your voice that haunts,
A single moment that plays in the mind;
Over and again like a refrain.
What does it tell you my love?

This need to know and the urge to hold.
This need to run and cast you away
What does it tell you about me, my love?

Stolen

Can you close your eyes
For a stolen moment;
And lie down with me
In this gravel of impudent joy?

Can you leave them alone
For a stolen moment?
Those thoughts that run through your mind,
People you love, your job, this rain;
Hesitations, wrongness, concerns and care
That guilt that tomorrow will be mine?

Let me touch your hands
And for a stolen moment,
Kiss them, hug them, hold them close.
In the boundlessness of this embrace
I live my life over and again
Today, tomorrow and for every dawn that comes.

So this is how it came to me

So this is how
it came to me

In its glorious bouts of pain
the intangible joy,
of being aware.

In a body that was numbed
now smoulders a rage.
a roar, an ocean, a smile
Tears in the eye that cant bear its joy.

If this pain is pain,
then I want it more
and more of it too

There will surely be a day
these tears will remain
a drizzle that fails to quench

Today,
these tropical tempests of heaven
drench me in music and madness.

And this is how it came to me
love, lust, nothingness and bliss.

Here, I found...

Here I found my million diamonds,
When I walked with you and the mid-day sun
Here, I was given the fount
Life’s myriad mysteries dissolved

What then happened to the yearning
that brought me to this?
Is it truly no more
Or it reborn?

As a love for this space, the shade
that smell, the breeze, your caress?
In this, have I finally found you?
In you, will I find myself again?

My life's longest quest,
Do you hear this silence?
Is a storm brewing or is it being quelled?

O seeker of the unbeknown, here is your alter-ego

A lot - believe me people when I say a LOT - has happened in these years that this blog was lying around gathering cyber-dust. Intense soul searching led me to quit what I was doing, to undertake the most fulfilling task I ever took up–that of being a fulltime mom to a veritable angel- and to ask some hard questions of life.

All in a space of a little over two years!

So have I found it yet, you ask?

O seeker of the unbeknown, I am but your alter-ego.

But this much I have found within myself however trite this might sound, I am glad I am searching. What a waste it would be to not!

The quest is on dear phantom fans of my squiggles, and so is my itch to write. Watch this space.